016 | When to Say Yes and When to Say No

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SS016 - When to Say Yes and When to Say No

 

A common misconception of Christians everywhere is that to love is to take on others’ problems. Actually, though, it’s destructive both to others and to ourselves when we try to do that, as well as when we try to get others to take on our problems. Boundaries are what help us to determine which responsibilities are whose, and today I (Dr. Matt Hook) talk about why that’s important. I do it in the context of the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life  by Cloud and Townsend.

In this episode I discuss virtue signaling, how to square saying no with being a loving person, and the dangers of being nice out of fear. I talk about why a lack of boundaries is unhealthy and why refusing to take on others’ problems is actually the more loving option. I talk about distinguishing God’s voice from Satan’s in the context of guilt, and the difference between responsibility to and responsibility for. I note that boundaries keep the good things in and the bad things out, and I finish with a note on how it’s okay that sometimes people won’t understand.

“There are some people here who have taken on way more than God ever wanted you to.”

“Boundaries are where I end and someone else begins.”

“Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to have other-control. Only self-control.”

“We are responsible to other people, and we are responsible for ourselves.”

This week on Shepherd & the Shrink:

  • When to say no and when to say yes

  • Being nice out of fear

  • The call to be a servant

  • Why you shouldn’t take on other people’s problems

  • Guarding your heart

  • Why you shouldn’t keep the good things out and the bad things in because of feelings of unworthiness

Resources mentioned

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Shepherd & the Shrink Podcast with your hosts Dr. Matt Hook and Dr. Martin Fletcher, the show where theology meets psychology. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

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